the road

the road

recovery is not a race

it is a long and arduous road with lots of bumps and potholes and detours, i realize.

and I believed that to recover was to race to the finish line. I was wrong.

I’m learning how to take my time. to allow myself to trip over a bump or fall into a pothole once in a while, but pushing myself to get up after each tumble.

recovery is a marathon, a long road with people cheering and booing you simultaneously on each side of the road.

keep walking that long walk.

you’ll make it someday.

the man

the man

there are words that hang in the air

between us,

so heavy that they take the shape of a man

whose body is composed of

i want to die

i hate myself

i wish i was dead

it sits in between us   hands folded patiently

waiting to be acknowledged

declutter your mind, declutter your space

declutter your mind, declutter your space

decluttering my space, meaning my house, specifically my room, is cathartic, and something I think everyone should try when they’re feeling overwhelmed by everything. Decluttering your space, getting rid of discarded boxes of pizza and washing smelly, sweat encrusted clothes, feels like rebirth. Like a brand new you. It feels synonymous with decluttering your mind, at least to an extent. With all the garbage removed, and your space now your own again, it feels like the air is fresher. I recommend that everyone do it.

To clear my mind, besides cleaning, I utilize meditation. Twenty minutes of focusing on nothing in particular is more cathartic than many people might realize. It releases the stressors in life, at least for a couple minutes, and suddenly you have no appointments to make, no deadlines, no debt, etcetera.

 

Another couple of ways to declutter your mind is to engage in your favorite habits of self-care, such as calling a close friend, watching your favorite movies, laying down with a hot cup of cocoa, or taking a bath. Or you can throw your attention into a hobby (NOT work/obligations), maybe one you’ve never done before, and would like to. Maybe crochet? Running a marathon? Murder? The world is your oyster; just don’t let your mind get so cluttered that you can’t see all the wonder that life can offer.

a couple spooky ways of self care this halloween

a couple spooky ways of self care this halloween

all hallows eve. the one night of the year where you are allowed to dress up as a slutty nurse, or a slutty cat or a slutty fire hydrant and no one will judge you (Well, they might judge you a little bit). This time of the year is well known for awesome costume parties, and big get-togethers filled with ravers in Harley Quinn costumes. But, if you’re like me, and parties aren’t really your scene for this year, here are some ways that you can enjoy Halloween while taking care of yourself.

 

watch campy scary movies: there’s nothing that screams self-care like plopping in front of the television and giggling as you watch Jason Voorhees in space killing stupid teenage astronauts (yes, this is a real movie), or going that extra mile and watching the entire Nightmare on Elms Street saga, while listening to the hustle and bustle of trick or treaters outside. While ducking and dodging the kids at your front door, arms outstretched and looking for candy like little sugar goblins. You can even invite a friend over to help you sit through the eleven (yes, ELEVEN) Friday the thirteenth movies as you giggle together.

jasonx

Or you can watch really, really unsettling horror movies, films that send you sprinting out of your basement after trying to keep it cool, and jumping at each ring of the doorbell or scream coming from outside your home. I prefer zombie movies myself, like the black and white night of the living dead or the punk cult classic, The return of the living dead. Or dawn of the dead. Apparently, my measure of whether horror movies are good or not depends on whether they have the word dead in the title.

The_Return_of_the_Living_Dead_(film)

…or you can throw it back. I know for a fact that they have every goosebumps episode on Netflix, and it shouldn’t be that difficult to find Are you afraid of the dark somewhere on the interwebs. courage the cowardly dog is probably floating around there too if you look hard enough. sit back and wonder why you were so afraid of these things as a kid as the campy 90’s dialogue overwhelms the sometimes genuinely unsettling plots.

are-you-afraid-of-the-dark

I’m not a fan myself, but apparently, season two of stranger things is out on Netflix if you want to watch that this halloween.

dont be afraid to take some time off on this holiday; dont feel obligated to hang at a party you didn’t really want to be at in the first place. there’s nothing wrong with watching foolish young people partying only for something to go terribly wrong. And, if you don’t want to be alone, invite some close friends, pop some popcorn and pick up some candy as you guys shriek in laughter at that one part in troll two.

And if you haven’t seen that one part in troll two, i emplore you to watch it one day. stay safe this Halloween, guys.

maxresdefault

one word blurb: lesson

one word blurb: lesson

i learned the lesson that what you give out to the world, you get back.

depression made me angry, frustrated that I couldn’t connect with my peers, wondering why it was me and not anybody else that seemed to be suffering. and with that state of being i became closed off. people agitated me, especially people standing too close or asking too many questions. they could literally feel the anger radiating off of me, to the point where I would have vacant seats around me because no one wanted to get close. i would actually have a stink coming out of my pores because i was so furious about my life in general.

in my quest for piece of mind, I have learned to outwardly radiate a contentedness, to mimic happiness and laughter. I have learned that people respond to friendliness, they feel warmed by a kind soul. i do not mind people sitting close to me anymore. i try to make people laugh, and feel comfortable. yesterday, in group therapy, we were tasked with an exercise in which we wrote nice comments about the others, and many of mind included my happy disposition, the fact that I made people comfortable, and that I was thoughtful, and these comments stung for all the wrong reasons. I do not feel this way about myself in the slightest. inside, i am still bitter and frustrated, but i have learned to hide it. But maybe, just maybe, in the future, I will be able to take that outward happiness and turn in inwards, so im radiating happiness from the inside. and i think thats a million times more beautiful.