AKA this is ur brain on joy but multiplied times twenty eight
This is a very rare mood for me, and it doesn’t ever last very long but I think the difference between my resting depressive mood and my short, fleeting periods of mania are very obviously different.
Mania for me feels like, just a ball of sunshine radiating in my stomach that I throw up over other people. I feel like I can conquer the got damb world, like I can learn to play the guitar and speak Mandarin and write a whole novel about my life overnight! Fuck I feel so great but this is also where I need to be the most careful because I tend to make stupid ass purchases and buy a whole bunch of nothing and just a few seconds ago I was thinking about how I need (want) to get a stylus for my ipad and a bunch of colored markers so i could write things down nicely and a shitload of new leather notebooks. My leg can’t stop shaking and I keep constantly picking at my fingers and making my skin bleed which sucks when I try to run my fingers through my hair cause it’s so thick that I keep splitting them back open and unfortunately this mood is great but its so fleeting
included here is what people think mania feels like and this was a picture I found when I looked up mania
and it’s only a matter of time before I return to marinating in my own sadness juices and isolation and depression so might as well make the most of it while I got it!! I’m literally holding my breath so I don’t scream out loud but I want to so badly and I wish I had the money, some money to go out and get drunk and fucked up and I want to get fifty new tattoos and shave my head and fuck three people in a row so this is the time where I have to be extra careful! extra careful! in literally doing anything cause once I lose it I lose it I once spent two hundred dollars on clothes I didn’t even wear just because it gave me another rush
but THIS THIS is what it really feels like endless screeching and shaking and over confidence!!
and I’m so sleepy that I’m literally seeing people and i’m tripping over my own mistakes and everything makes so much sense now its so clear its staring me in the face so im done posting for the day because I might write something else incriminating but here’s a taste of what it’s like and I hope everyone has a great day I’m going to go masturbate and scream in my car afterwards